The fox and the lily

{March 26, 2010}   I can’t say I like them

I have a very large problem with 3rd wave feminism, yet I keep hearing everyone extolling the virtues of it from the right to bare arms pornography, to the right of women to have abusive power dynamics as well as long as it’s only with children and animals and other women; unless she wants to get an abortion or contraception….than she has the right to try to get a thousand or so dollars up in 2-8 weeks (I’m thinking of a very cheap abortion here) and than get a procerdure that will leave her tender for a few days but still have go to work, and all because women – according to theird wave feminist thought – have the right/should do sex without a condom like in porn. The rationale is that porn is liberating to women, for any number of reasons, from that it stops men from raping us (rape rates have been jumping since porn became mainstream), to porn introducing ideas to spice up the bedroom (which is sad mind, because I didn’t need porn to make your girlfriend have fully consenting sex with me last night1.), so porn must be something we should want to emulate because it’s so ~~*~~freeing~~*~~.

Yes I just used the ~~*~~fairy sparkles~~*~~ for freeing, because in this case these are people who are on the other end of the patriarchy stick, and seem to think they have left the stick altogether because they were liberated by the less extreme 2nd wave feminist factions out there.

To make it a little more personal I know a female bodied person, who’s fairly young – around my age actually – that has a healthy sex life with their five long term lovers/romantic partners, is an encyclopedia of safe sex, doesn’t have sex without lube, a dental damn and a condom (last two at different times of course) and knows how to do herbal abortions. They’re also child-free, anti-porn,, vegan and an environmentalist. They also have an active social life. Overall they’re a very empowered and individual person, and they’re about as sex-positive as you can get.

However for all this empowerment they can’t masturbate. Not because of sexual trauma, not because of religion, not because of their partners, or anything like that. They’re reasoning is, and I quote:

“All the feminist that I grew up around where in to the newschool stuff, and the general consensus on masturbation was that if you weren’t doing it you were repressed and would never have mind-blowing sex. Also that you should know how to get yourself off because all you heeded to do was just rub your clitoris, or stick something in yourself, and you needed a vibrator to be liberated, or if you were a guy you just needed to pump your dick and that was it. It was automated and instinctual, feelings weren’t allowed and only the type of passion was the type portrayed by Max Hardcore or HBO late night. I’m really too ashamed to find self-pleasure because vibrators feel weird, my sex is all about the feelings my partner(s) and I have for everything, and my clitoris and vaginal canal aren’t all that sensitive compared to the rest of the stuff down there. Mostly though it’s because I don’t know how, and none of these “liberated” women will talk about it…unless there’s a vibe or a clit to be had.”

This is because my friend grew up in an area that was fairly progressive and had more third wave feminist than you could shake a stick at. They grew up in one of the few places were “feminist” was a cool word, so long as you didn’t mention Mary Daly of course. Feminist who say that porn is good, but that we shouldn’t learn our sex from it, taught this poor soul that the exact opposite of the old style of oppression is still oppression.

The idea that you have a right to say yes with no mention of the right to say no except in passing, is no different than the idea of “well she didn’t say no explicitly”. The right to say yes but only to say no to the “right” men or your repressed is a false power. It says that you can say yes, but than the second you say “no, I don’t feel like I want this” it tells you that you’re repressed, that you have to say yes because he’s hot/just your type/doesn’t look like a rapist/is into BDSM/is liberated to, that you’re being irrational What do feelings matter when he’s hot, and/or liberated, and/or the right guy for you to say yes to?

This is what the third wave believes. That there is a yes, but only sometimes a no. That shame is only shame when it doesn’t agree with what they watch and what the male culture wants. That those who are not oppressed can co-opt are oppression and claim it for themselves because they have enough money to get bone sawed off in their face and have their dick sliced off. They believe that in the end they are liberated because they listen to men, and just like the 2nd wave they’re going to have a power dynamic over children to by either having them, or by not having them and hating them and their cow like mothers. And I just can’t not have beef with that.

1: Burn!


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