The fox and the lily

{March 26, 2010}   I can’t say I like them

I have a very large problem with 3rd wave feminism, yet I keep hearing everyone extolling the virtues of it from the right to bare arms pornography, to the right of women to have abusive power dynamics as well as long as it’s only with children and animals and other women; unless she wants to get an abortion or contraception….than she has the right to try to get a thousand or so dollars up in 2-8 weeks (I’m thinking of a very cheap abortion here) and than get a procerdure that will leave her tender for a few days but still have go to work, and all because women – according to theird wave feminist thought – have the right/should do sex without a condom like in porn. The rationale is that porn is liberating to women, for any number of reasons, from that it stops men from raping us (rape rates have been jumping since porn became mainstream), to porn introducing ideas to spice up the bedroom (which is sad mind, because I didn’t need porn to make your girlfriend have fully consenting sex with me last night1.), so porn must be something we should want to emulate because it’s so ~~*~~freeing~~*~~.

Yes I just used the ~~*~~fairy sparkles~~*~~ for freeing, because in this case these are people who are on the other end of the patriarchy stick, and seem to think they have left the stick altogether because they were liberated by the less extreme 2nd wave feminist factions out there.

To make it a little more personal I know a female bodied person, who’s fairly young – around my age actually – that has a healthy sex life with their five long term lovers/romantic partners, is an encyclopedia of safe sex, doesn’t have sex without lube, a dental damn and a condom (last two at different times of course) and knows how to do herbal abortions. They’re also child-free, anti-porn,, vegan and an environmentalist. They also have an active social life. Overall they’re a very empowered and individual person, and they’re about as sex-positive as you can get.

However for all this empowerment they can’t masturbate. Not because of sexual trauma, not because of religion, not because of their partners, or anything like that. They’re reasoning is, and I quote:

“All the feminist that I grew up around where in to the newschool stuff, and the general consensus on masturbation was that if you weren’t doing it you were repressed and would never have mind-blowing sex. Also that you should know how to get yourself off because all you heeded to do was just rub your clitoris, or stick something in yourself, and you needed a vibrator to be liberated, or if you were a guy you just needed to pump your dick and that was it. It was automated and instinctual, feelings weren’t allowed and only the type of passion was the type portrayed by Max Hardcore or HBO late night. I’m really too ashamed to find self-pleasure because vibrators feel weird, my sex is all about the feelings my partner(s) and I have for everything, and my clitoris and vaginal canal aren’t all that sensitive compared to the rest of the stuff down there. Mostly though it’s because I don’t know how, and none of these “liberated” women will talk about it…unless there’s a vibe or a clit to be had.”

This is because my friend grew up in an area that was fairly progressive and had more third wave feminist than you could shake a stick at. They grew up in one of the few places were “feminist” was a cool word, so long as you didn’t mention Mary Daly of course. Feminist who say that porn is good, but that we shouldn’t learn our sex from it, taught this poor soul that the exact opposite of the old style of oppression is still oppression.

The idea that you have a right to say yes with no mention of the right to say no except in passing, is no different than the idea of “well she didn’t say no explicitly”. The right to say yes but only to say no to the “right” men or your repressed is a false power. It says that you can say yes, but than the second you say “no, I don’t feel like I want this” it tells you that you’re repressed, that you have to say yes because he’s hot/just your type/doesn’t look like a rapist/is into BDSM/is liberated to, that you’re being irrational What do feelings matter when he’s hot, and/or liberated, and/or the right guy for you to say yes to?

This is what the third wave believes. That there is a yes, but only sometimes a no. That shame is only shame when it doesn’t agree with what they watch and what the male culture wants. That those who are not oppressed can co-opt are oppression and claim it for themselves because they have enough money to get bone sawed off in their face and have their dick sliced off. They believe that in the end they are liberated because they listen to men, and just like the 2nd wave they’re going to have a power dynamic over children to by either having them, or by not having them and hating them and their cow like mothers. And I just can’t not have beef with that.

1: Burn!


{March 1, 2010}   Baby daddy issues

Today I was at the store with a friend of mine. We were picking up peanut butter and soup, and there was supposed to be spinach somewhere in there but that doesn’t really matter to the story. This friend and I were in one of the back isles of the story when a women in a lovely red power suit came down the isle with twin toddlers. One was a quiet little girl that smiled and walked like the world was her playground, and the second was a little boy who was lagging behind and was throwing a ball around, and generally causing havoc. The mother in this scenario had stress lines just from the day, and she was trying to get her son to listen and stop bothering other people. She was so sincerely apologetic when the little boy almost hit us, that I felt sorry for her.

We saw her later at the self-checkout. Her daughter was right on her heels with a pensive look that screamed “mommy make the thing I don’t like go away”, her son however was off to the side of the self-checkout machines screaming softly for his ball. The mother looked embarrassed but she ignored the boy in favor of getting her job done and making everyone else’s lives pleasurable. Her son also seemed to have an understanding of how this was not going to play out in his favor because he kept his face down and his screaming was quiet compared to the average two year olds – he understood he was not getting his ball back from his mother but he wanted to save face like any boy raised two year old. It wasn’t until half way through checking out that she went to the cranberry juice sale display case beside the registers and picked him up along the way, and than brought him back to her register to set him beside his sister. The woman finished checking out as her son went from screaming to just asking for his ball back, to finally being so humiliated by his twin looking at him as if he were the stupidest person she knew that he stopped.

We finished checking out before her, but right before we got out of range my friend turned back around, walked up to the woman and said have a better day with a smile. The woman’s hard features melted and she looked at both of us with the same smile that a teenager does when zie’s been given validation. She was so relieved that no one blamed her for her son, or thought she was less than human because she wasn’t a good mother, or told her that she should have done something else. Instead she got a girl probably half her age telling her that she was a good enough person to be wished a better day by a perfect stranger who had nothing invested in her having a happy life. We left with her smiling and her shoulders less hunched inwards.

And this got me thinking why would a woman who looks like she’s a single professional that is on the pill and lives in an urban high rise have two toddlers and with obviously no daddy? How come she was dragging around two children after what looked to be the worst 24 hours of her life and buying broccoli and chicken tenders in a professional work outfit, instead of coming to the store in sweats to buy broccoli and California roll sushi? This was a woman that looked like if she had been having a better day would have thrown out any man who refused to wear a condom and would have spent the evening laughing at Youtube videos of Target Women or watching the first season of the L word on D.V.D; having children was not in the cards for her with all the charisma and genuine charm she had.

The short simple of it is that society forces women in to having children. It’s the reason why mothers urge their daughters to give them grandchildren and than pressure their daughters in to being good mothers and why men assume that marriage means condoms aren’t needed, and why when people are against abortion they say the woman is a whore and this is her punishment/the child’s life, or worse yet they make abortions to expensive specialty and won’t help her pay for it but still call her cow. It’s entitlement on the part of the oppressors.

Men feel entitled to planting their seed in a women if they’re married to them, and if they abort it than that means the woman who they had impregnated has taken away what they are entitled to; the ability to brand her his so that other men are not a threat, and so that her sex is all his and not anyone else’s, including hers. Mothers and anti-abortion women with children feel entitled to make their daughters be forced in to the same mold, so that they may stay above their daughters and thus have some power in the world. Child-free people who don’t go out of their way to help women get the ability to not have children feel entitled to their fringe status and the superiority they have over women who they see as not being able to keep her legs shut/get an abortion. All these people feel entitled to use the body of a child-bearing woman as a means to either affirm their own status in the patriarchy or their life choices. And these are only examples of what the whole of society does.

The pregnant woman or the woman that has given birth and now has children is a sign of a owned woman in the greater society. She may be a slut because she wasn’t able to keep her legs closed and not have the children, or she may be doing god’s work and having children, or she may be experiencing one of the only two acceptable ways for a women to experience love with someone that does not own her because she owns the children and thus is allowed to love them. She is not however just having children that she will teach just enough to allow them to know how to roam the world and explore by the time they can walk and run and play on their own. There is never such a thing as a woman who has given birth that is a person over being a mother, unless she is objectifying her children and then she is a woman that, while still owned, is more a person than she was if she were single and childless.

The act of having a child is a permanent stamp of womanhood that proves that the mother is a woman and can be nothing but, and she is a woman that is either owned or was owned and has committed a societal sin for not staying owned. It proves that she is not a threat to the privilege men have and to the privilege that parents have, and to the structure that our society uses that shares an uncanny resemblance to The Great Chain Of Being.

So this women who looked like she was tired, who tried to treat her children like people even if it made her feel ashamed for not being good enough, and who looked like she would have loved living in New York and having long lasting sexually and emotionally fulfilling relationships, is dealing with the life of having a child because she is owned. She will disappoint her mother for not being harsh enough; and the anti-abortion advocates will tell her that she shouldn’t blame her children because she didn’t remain a virgin even though it was her lover who didn’t wear the condom and who wouldn’t settle for mutual pleasure instead of penetration; and she will stay tired and stressed and waiting for the few times in her life where someone will tell her to have a better day; because even those who will never have it happen to them still need to prove Aristotle right and that she is wrong for being born woman; and being too scared to say no and too scared to go to the abortion clinic all on her own with the voices calling her a moo and a slut racing around in her head while she tries not to think about any of it.

Eh I’m getting real tired of the whole feminist critique on veganism and the whole speal about “OMG u has an eating disorder!” and all the feminist myths surrounding why veganism is OMGS bad. So thus of course, I must write a blog about it.

First off I want to address the whole eating disorder thing. I for one do not and have never had an eating disorder. I’ve known many people who have, from female to genderqueer to even a couple of males, and none of them have ever used veganism or vegetarianism as an excuse for not eating. They actually used dieting, sports, and health reasons, but never veganism or vegetarianism. I hate to say this, but my sisters have been tricked by Teh AnAz with this one.

The very few people I’ve seen using vegetarianism or veganism as an excuse have always cited it for health reasons, and there are two problems with that. Vegetarians are no more healthy than other carnists, especially since dairy is more lethal to humans and vegetarians tend to eat more dairy than their meat eating counterparts. It’s not a very good excuse quite honestly, but if a person you care for is using vegetarianism as a get out of eating free card, you really should be asking how fucked up are you to not recognize that (a they have an eating disorder sooner than right now, and (b why you’ve not been able to be supportive enough to either help them recover if they so chose, or to stand by and not force them to feel ashamed if they don’t want to. Mainly the problem comes back to you, because you’re not a good person and you’re not doing anything to stop what’s making these people get eating disorders. The second problem is that veganism is an animal rights movement that refuses in full to take part in the patriarchy and power dynamics of using animals in any form or way, thus there is no such thing as a vegan that does it only for the health reasons. True story.

On top of that, it’s something to mask the symptoms of the few who use it as an excuse. If one can seriously not differentiate between someone who has an eating disorder and is using it as an excuse from a person who eats healthy and who happens to be vegetarian, than you my fine sir are a tool.

On to the next thing that chaps my ass. The whole “telling women what to do with their bodies is unfeminist bullshit. Veganism isn’t telling women what to do with their bodies, it’s telling them and men and gender variants what they cannot do with the bodies of others, and if that’s unfeminist than call me a fucking Nazi and get on with your self-absorbed, clinically narcissistic little lives.

Meat is sold with pornographic images and and it comes with a whole host of stereotypes that can be boiled down to “meat is manly, but only in context of feminizing other men and objectifying women.” And than you have on top of that that very little poultry is from non-female birds, and the same goes for cows, rabbits, pigs, goats and other meat animals to a slightly lesser extent. This brings up the whole issue that animal agriculture is just a way to use the bodies of females by men without it being “unethical” even though it is unethical in full. Then let us not forget about the dairy animals, cows, sheep, goats, buffalo (thank you for opening my eyes to this little horror or endangered species exploitation Wyoming. May all your men have shriveled balls), and other dairy animals who are all females that have their breast milk taken from them without consent and have their young ripped away from them for the purpose of one day taking their mothers place or being starved and made into veal.

Then you have racism. Slaughter houses, dairy farms and egg farms were originally run by underpaid black female workers who could not get a job anywhere else. Slaughterhouses have always been dangerous to the workers and have always violated basic human rights, as have dairy and egg farms, and the reason women of color were originally employed was because they could not fight back. They were multiple cases of rape of the female workers and the professions themselves saw that the dairy maids, egg collectors and slaughterhouse workers were always exposed to the newest health epidemics that stemmed from the animals. This including cow pox ( a type of herpes virus), chickenpox, Spanish influenza, polio, and a rash of other disease that these women were at high risk of getting, when they had no other options, not to mention all the incidences of limbs being severed because of the killing process. Nowadays though it’s moved to men that are of color, particularly immigrants, illegal or not who face the same dangers, except now with viruses like Bird flu and Swine flu that have the chance of being worse than the 1918 epidemic of Spanish influenza. However the meat packing, and dairy and egg packaging industries are still mostly dominated by female workers and it’s known that it’s female employees are being constantly sexually harassed, underpaid more so than usual and it exposes them to large amounts of diseases that come from rotting meat, dairy and eggs.

I could go on forever about the connections to carnism and sexism, but it will quite honestly take a series of post just to cover the sexism of meat and eggs, let alone dairy. There is a book written on the subject, too – The Pornography of Meat by Carol J Adams. After all, one post that was just a general jab back at carnist feminist couldn’t cover what a full book was barely able to. However I’ll be working diligently on a whole world of post to say just how veganism and feminism are as connected as feminism and gender abolition and feminism and anti-racism.

To wrap this up, there’s so much sexism in carnism that the only plausible reason that feminist would be carnist and defended it like a man does porn is because they want to have the same entitlement as men, and the same privileges as men, instead of wanting an actual anti-sexist society like so many of them claim. Instead what they want is an end of the status quo that will affect them – meaning that, in the end, animals, gender variants and people of non-monotheistic religions (Wicca included in the monotheism) can go fuck themselves as long as athiests, monotheists and human beings of all colors and all sides of the gender binary are able to be self-righteous privileged fucks just like the white Christian men of today. Capitalism doesn’t matter, even though it will keep the poor down, as long as it’s not sexist, and animal agriculture is fine so long as it’s not them having to do their own dirty work and as long as they don’t have to realize everything from their diabetes to their fibromyalgia to their cancer is caused by animal products. They don’t want to make the world equal or just. They just want the right to be men and join the big boys club instead of truly take down the system that is forever trying to deny them their basic personhood, which all animals have. It’s a shame, really, though I doubt it will ever change; so few people will actually ever change themselves to fit their ethics, and too many are willing to warp and distort their ethics to fit themselves and ignore the logical repercussions of that.

So I have this absolutely perfect skirt. It complements my legs, it can be used for both heavy duty functions like playing soccer, to fashion things like chilling around the house or looking nice at a party. It’s perfect except for one little thing that ruins it. It has no ass. Literally the fashion designers made it so that it was all the same length of fabric. Nice idea in practice until you realize one thing; everything leans forward, and human beings, male, female, of intersex bodied, have ass. You know those things that hang off the back and that when things are going really well, you can grab? Yeah those, they puff skirts up in a very nice way, very nice indeed, but they also make it where designers have to account for extra fabric. This skirt maker didn’t, and it got me thinking about how many other times I’ve brought home a dress, skirt, shirt, pants, you name it, that hasn’t accounted for my body not fitting the “standard” model.

I have small breasts – barely a B-cup at best – I’m not skinny, but I don’t think I could really lose a few pounds and be as healthy as I am, I fit a small guys and a large women’s, and I have an ass. The “average” says I should have large breast to fit my excess fat, and that my breast “shouldn’t sag, they can drop but not sag” even though they should be large enough to look like I had GG implants. It also says that I shouldn’t have an ass, or if I do it should be a bubble butt, one of those little things that looks like a bouncy ball with a crack in the middle. They’re the type of butts only trannies have, and that’s why men think those types of women love taking it in the backdoor, because those women have a prostate and an adam’s apple.

Anyhow I love making my own clothes, or fitting things together in ways that no one else could pull off. I love finding ways to accent tummies without making them lumpy, or finding ways to give normal and small heighted girls pride – even though I’m taller myself – or in just making people look good in the clothes they wear. Now mind clothesmen no longer exist so you can’t get anything truly custom made anymore, unless you know a friend of a friend or some such thing, but big name fashion designers and makers should at least have the common sense to know how to make something for differing body types, if one chick in her bedroom knows how to do so.

The natural female body is actually fatter than I am in most cases. Those women who have never met civilization and live in areas like the amazon and such, who rarely if ever starve and eat a humans natural diet of fruit, nuts, greens and barks tend to be heavy set, as do the men. They have bellies, and small breasts and nice rears that stick out like rears are meant to. These are the clothes I try to design, ones that would look good on a natural body that humans are meant to have, not the designs that most people make, but ones for the actual body, ones that clothes makers should design for.

Than again the clothes designers are man apologists, or have designated themselves as Man because they have a penis. They think that “men are visual creatures” that there’s only one healthy body type though “there are many different body shapes” that they never design for. They decide to make clothes for porn stars – who can’t even fit in to their clothes -, add a bit of extra fabric all around instead of making variations of their sizes to accommodate things that may be smaller or bigger than perceived, and than they sell it off and claim that their body positive because “hey look we made Jenna’s clothes in extra large, for girls who are above size 10!”. Excuse me for not being amused at you wanting me to dress like a skank.

Yes we can’t make clothes that fit everyone with the way we currently have our society run, and clothes being tailor made would be to expensive. I have a simple solution to both of these problems though, kill off most of humanity and capitalism in full, than we’ll have no problem at all. We’ll be back in our natural environment, so clothes won’t be a necessity or a problem. Simple really.

This is why you shouldn’t sell to creative radical clothes makers. They’ll always draw the most abstract conclusions. No?

et cetera